Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter
Greetings, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a 2010 action horror novel that was written by Seth Grahame –Smith. Seth is the author behind Pride, Prejudice and Zombies, a parody of Jane Austin’s iconic literary piece. His spoof take on the classic came out a year earlier than Vampire Hunter and since then he has worked on various films including the Lego Batman Movie, the remake of Child’s Play as well as IT Chapter 1 and 2. He is also believed to be involved with upcoming Gremlins and Beetlejuice sequels. This novel is, for several large segments, written as if it was the secret diary of Abraham Lincoln. The fictional biography also contains historical references in its footnotes or other annotation and old photographic ‘evidence’ of vampirism as part of it story telling technique.
The story starts in a quiet American town in the late 2000s. A youthful and mysterious man named Henry Sturges strikes up a friendship with a cashier who used to be an aspiring author until life put his dreams on hold. Henry gifts the cashier a diary before disappearing from the small town for unknown reasons. Once the cashier returns home with the present, he realizes to his astonishment that he has been given the personal diary of the 16th president of the United States and that much of his real history had been buried. He learns that the ill-fated president had in actuality been a slayer of vampires and the author uncovers the real cause behind the American Civil War. The Confederate States of America had been lead in part by vampires and the slavery system existed to serve them as slaves were a food source as opposed to the historically accepted reality of forced labour. The slaves were to be drained of their fluids on a mass scale and in a secretive manner so the humans did not learn of the vampire’s existence. The diary begins when Abraham was 11 years old and living with his impoverished family on the Lincoln farm. One night his drunken father, Thomas, reveals in a distraught state that Abe’s grandfather had been killed by a vampire in 1786 as opposed to the cover up tale of being massacred by a Native American tribe.
Abraham eventually encounters the wicked works of a vampire when Nancy, his mother, succumbs to an illness. He learns that Nancy had not died from milk sickness as he had wrongly believed but she had been poisoned by a vampire after his father had failed to honour his debts that had been owed to a local vampire. Abe began to loathe his father for not defending his family and swore to himself that he would spend his life hunting down vampires across America in revenge. His first act of revenge took place a year later when he lured the vampire responsible for his mother’s death into a trap and staked it through the heart using the element of surprise. Some years later in 1825, Abraham had been preparing to kill vampires daily using an axe and an assortment of homemade weaponry and tracks down one travelling along the Ohio River. Despite his best attempts and all of his rigorous training, he is defeated and almost drowned by an old, weak vampire. His life is saved by the intervention of another vampire who kills Lincoln’s intended target. The vampire, one Henry Sturges, is no friend of his own kind and offers to help Abraham in his quest to rid America of its vampire curse.
I enjoyed this book. It was exactly the type of novel I was expecting it to be with such a bizarre premise as well as its self-explanatory title. Despite the obvious fictitious elements, it also keeps to the facts about Lincoln’s life and provides an interesting view into the fictionalized Abraham’s mind-set. A film adaptation was made with the involvement of Grahame-Smith in 2012 although is does differ significantly from its source material. Benjamin Walker, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rufus Sewell, Dominic Cooper and Anthony Mackie are among the primary cast of the movie. Seth also wrote a sequel to Vampire Hunter entitled ‘The Last American Vampire’ that I will most likely look into reading at some point.
Plot=8/10
Characters=7/10
Wording=9/10
Overall=8/10
Quote of the Day
And so life in the Shire goes on, very much as it has this past age. Full of its own comings and goings with change coming slowly, if it comes at all. For things are made to endure in the Shire, passing from one generation to the next. There’s always been a Baggins living here under the Hill, in Bag End. And there always will be.
Bilbo Baggins
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie
Greetings, El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie is a 2019 feature film and serves as the epilogue of the Breaking Bad television show which ran from 2008 to 2013. El Camino was written and directed by Vince Gilligan, the creator of the series, and features a considerable number of actors from the original cast. Aaron Paul returns to portray his most famous role of the former meth cook, Jesse Pinkman. Others come back to reprise their characters as well such as Jonathan Banks as the stoic hitman Michael Ermhantraut, Jesse Plemons as the unnervingly polite henchman Todd Alquist and Robert Forster as Ed Galbraith the relocation expert for wanted men. This would prove to be one of Forster’s final film roles as he passed away on the day of its Netflix release on 11th October 2019. The music was composed by Dave Porter who had also worked on the original television series and the prequel show, Better Call Saul, which is based on the dodgy criminal lawyer Jimmy ‘Saul Goodman’ McGill. The review below contains major spoilers for the Breaking Bad storyline.
The plot begins in a flashback in which Jesse and Mike are discussing their planned departure from Walter White’s meth empire. Jesse states that he wants to start a new life, feeling regret for his role in the drug trade, and asks Mike what he would do in his situation. Mike replies that if he were younger he would relocate to Alaska but warns Jesse that he could never truly be absolved of his past sins. The film then segways into the immediate aftermath of ‘Felina’, Breaking Bad’s 62nd and concluding episode. An ecstatic Jesse Pinkman flees from the site of his captor’s base after White’s deadly assault on the Aryan Brotherhood’s compound sets him free. He manages to avoid police in one of his killed jailor’s car, an El Camino, and finds sanctuary in the home of his drug addicted friends Skinny Pete and Badger. A dishevelled and broken Jesse crashes at the home of his shocked friends, raiding their fridge and devouring their food before collapsing from exhaustion in one of their bedrooms.
Skinny Pete and Badger had been unaware of Jesse’s imprisonment and the forced labour he was pressured to endure as a meth cook at the hands of the Aryan Brotherhood. They turn on the news to discover that Walter White’s identity as the drug lord Heisenberg had been exposed and that he had been fatally injured in the shootout. The news reporter advised that the police were on the lookout for Jesse as a person of interest. Once Jesse wakes up the following morning, the three agree to hide the El Camino that Pinkman had stolen from his captor Todd Alquist as it was being sought after by law enforcement. Jesse decides that he needs to follow Michael’s advice that he had been given so long ago and head for Alaska. To do so, he needs to acquire a substantial amount of money so the mysterious Ed Galbraith can organize his disappearance and Jesse can finally begin his new life.
Despite a slow start, I really enjoyed this concluding arc of the series even if it did seem to be a somewhat unnecessary addition to it. I was very curious to see what the team behind it would do for a story after so many key characters, like the antagonist Gustavo Fring, had already been killed by this point and because the plot had seemingly been tied up nicely several years prior. The spectre of Walter White noticeably hangs over the film, which isn’t surprising given his iconic partnership with Pinkman, but it didn’t prevent me from enjoying it once I accepted this was solely Jesse’s story. I imagine most Breaking Bad fans would be entertained by this as it treats the source material with respect and provides fans with a chance to see some of their favourite characters again years after the whole experience was believed to be over.
Plot=10/10
Characters=10/10
Special Effects=10/10
Overall=10/10
Quote of the Day
Did you hear the lottery's up to $100,000,000? If I win, it's going to be separate beds for me and my mom!
Ted Buckland
Scrubs
Bojack Horseman
Greetings, Bojack Horseman is an animated comedy series created for Netflix by Raphael Bob-Waksberg which ran for 6 seasons and a holiday special from 2014 to 2020. Some rather big names are attached to this show including Arrested Development’s Will Arnett as the titular Bojack Horseman, Amy Sedaris as Princess Carolyn and Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul as Todd Chavez. Comedian Paul F Tompkins plays the over excitable Mr Peanutbutter and Alison Brie, notable for her leading roles in GLOW, Community and as a Trudy Campbell in Mad Men, stars as the intellectual but depression prone Diane Nguyen. The music was composed by Jesse Novak.
The series is set in a world where humans and anthropomorphic animals live together and is mostly located in Hollywoo, California. The naming convention of Hollywoo is the result of an ongoing joke in which the ‘D’ from the Hollywood sign is stolen prior to the events of the series. It follows the exploits of Bojack Horseman, a washed up and alcoholic actor who’s fame had reached its peak in the 1990s when he stared in the celebrated sitcom, ‘Horsin’ Around’. Now in the 2010s, Bojack is floating aimlessly in relative pop culture obscurity and decides he wants to be relevant again. At this point his on and off again girlfriend as well as his talent agent, Princess Carolyn, suggests that he write a memoir that will get him back into the public eye. While hosting one of his many parties in his multi-million dollar Californian home, Bojack encounters Diane for the first time.
Diane is a ghostwriter who agrees to write Bojack’s biography after he discovers that she wrote one for his childhood hero, the racing horse Secretariat. So begins a complicated and often difficult or fraught relationship between the two. Diane’s work eventually brings Bojack back to the spotlight and he starts being offered starring roles again after his career seemingly declined over the last decade. The series often explores the wacky, off the wall misadventures of friends Todd Chavez and Mr Peanutbutter. Todd is a freeloader who slept on Bojack’s couch for years after crashing one of his parties and never appears to be motivated to leave and start his own life. Mr Peanutbutter is optimistic and enthusiastic, a direct inverse of Horseman, and was once his sitcom rival as he stared in his own television show opposite Bojack’s ‘Horsin’ Around’.
The series is ultimately about the self-destructive and self-loathing behaviour of Bojack and his numerous attempts to better himself, although often failing in his noble endeavours. There are loads of clever little background jokes or subtle puns that often fly under the radar and the show also has its fair share of famous cameos or voice actors amongst its cast. Bob-Waksberg doesn’t currently have many projects in his filmography but he did some writing with the Horseman’s cartoonist, Lisa Hanawalt, on Tuca and Bertie. This was another Netflix animated show that had some of the Horseman Team behind it. It only ran for one season before a swift cancellation but despite its short-lived run it did receive critical acclaim. After watching it myself, I admittedly came away disappointed and consider Bojack Horseman to be leagues ahead of it. I would definitely, however, recommend Bojack Horseman itself if you are looking for something smart, funny and not afraid to embrace darker themes or display more serious moments.
Plot=10/10
Characters=10/10
Special Effects=10/10
Overall=10/10
Quote of the Day
And that's me on the set of Dances With Wolves. They gave me a small part; I played "Throws Like a Girl."
Jay Sherman
The Critic
Cujo
Greetings, Cujo is a horror novel by world renowned author Stephen King which was published in 1981. The book was the 10th book published in King’s extensive bibliography and, rather interestingly, he does not recall writing most of it as Cujo was produced during a period of intense narcotic use in his career. Like most other King stories, the plot was adapted into a film that received mixed reviews during its release in 1982 but the movie has since earned itself a cult following. The film stars Dee Wallace, Danny Pintauro and Daniel Hugh-Kelly as the three leading actors. The two incarnations are reportedly similar in nature bar the endings in which the movie adaptation has a more positive conclusion than its source material.
The story begins in the fictional town of Castle Rock in Maine and it revolves mainly around two families, the Trentons and the Cambers. The Trentons consists of advertising man Vic, his stay at home wife Donna and their four year old son Tad who is affectionately called ‘Tadders’. They are from a middle class background and are originally from New York City, having recently moved to Castle Rock for a quieter life. The lives of the Trenton family are upended when the advertising agency that Vic co-owns suffers a major setback. A cereal brand that he helped promote and specifically aimed at kids had hospitalized some children once they had consumed the product. Vic and his business partner, Roger Breakstone, must come up with a clever ad campaign to address the problem or face bankruptcy. As things look bleak on the work end of Vic’s life the home front is even worse as he discovers that his wife had been engaging in an affair with a man named Steve Kemp. Donna thoroughly regrets what she did and broke the clandestine relationship off with Steve, who proved to be incredibly volatile in his rejection, but Vic is furious and heartbroken by the situation nonetheless.
The Cambers on the other hand are from a lower socio-economic class. Joe, the father, is a mechanic who owns a garage in the outskirts of the Castle Rock. His wife, Charity, is another unfulfilled stay at home mother and the son is a ten year old called Brett. The titular Saint Bernard, the well-mannered Cujo, belongs to the Camber family and he has a particularly special bond with Brett. Charity wins $5,000 in the lottery and convinces her reluctant husband to allow her and Brett to spend the money to visit her sister, Holly, in Connecticut. She wants her son to see the world and is somewhat concerned about Joe negatively influencing Brett as he heads into his teenage years. Shortly before the Cambers are about to leave Joe alone with Cujo for their holiday, Cujo chases a rabbit through their fields. The witless rabbit flees the dog by heading into a small cave that Cujo can only fit his head into. The dog startled some bats inhabiting the cave which causes one to bite him on the nose. A panicked Cujo retreats and heads home with a sore snout. Slowly but surely the rabid infection leads the good natured dog on a murderous rampage as the disease takes control.
I really enjoyed this novel and was interested to discover that while it is also tells the story of a deranged dog with rabies, it is essentially about the everyday domestic lives of the Trentons and Cambers. King wrote more extensively about the ups and downs of these two families than I was expecting. The supernatural elements are limited in Cujo and are only really suggested as a theoretical aspect rather than being solidly confirmed as existing in this world. For instance, it is implied that former police officer and serial killer known as ‘The Castle Rock Strangler’ Frank Dodd has come back from the dead to haunt the citizenry of the small town but the character never makes an appearance himself. This is a solid book that sits well among King’s other works. If you like his other novels then you would most likely get a kick out of Cujo too.
Plot=9/10
Characters=9/10
Wording=9/10
Overall=9/10
Quote of the Day
Pathetic earthlings. Hurling your bodies out into the void, without the slightest inkling of who or what is out here. If you had known anything about the true nature of the universe, anything at all, you would've hidden from it in terror.
Emperor Ming the Merciless
Flash Gordon
Episodes
Greetings, Episodes is a comedy television series that was written by David Crane, co-creator of the global phenomenon that is Friends, and Jeffrey Klarik. It stars Matt LeBlanc as a fictionalized version of himself as well as Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Creig as a married British writers Sean and Beverly Lincoln. Other cast members include John Pankow, Kathleen Rose Perkins, Mircea Monroe and Genevieve O’Reilly who star in prominent roles within the series. There are numerous supporting cast members as well and the occasional celebrity cameo as is befitting the nature of the show. Episodes, running from 2011 to 2017, consists of 5 seasons and has a total of 41 episodes. The music was composed by Mark Thomas who does not appear to have much musical scores or original sound tracks credited to himself.
The plot begins in London in which the husband and wife team of Sean and Beverly Lincoln have won another BAFTA award for their sitcom, Lyman’s Boys, much to the displeasure of their screen-writing competitors. The success of their show captures the attention of one Merc Lapidus. Merc, the president of an American network, is present at the award ceremony and offers the Lincolns a chance to remake their show in L.A. for an American audience. Both Sean and Beverly enthusiastically agree to the deal as they see it as their chance to move up in the show business world. They shortly move out to their temporary home in L.A. and are immediately receptive to the luxurious life they would be living. Their infatuation with the place and the entertainment industry in America quickly dissipates when they realize that they are not in control of their own work as the network pushes forward with unwelcome changes. One such unwelcome change is that their preferred choice of actor for the new American version had auditioned for the role but was passed over by the network’s casting department. A rather stuffy and old British actor named Julian Bullard, who was to reprise his role from the original, was replaced by the much younger and more charismatic Matt LeBlanc.
The Lincolns are not content that their choice was overruled by the network but they decide to continue with the show anyhow. Upon meeting LeBlanc for the first time, both Sean and Beverly are initially star struck by him but are eventually horrified to learn that he is hard to work with. LeBlanc changes the core of their show to suit a US audience and the network agrees wholeheartedly with his ideas. The show was no longer about an aged headmaster in love with a lesbian librarian, instead it became a series about a hockey coach and his parental relationship with his students. The television series was also rebranded ‘Pucks’ much to the angst of Beverly and Sean. The Lincolns also discover that despite initially gushing over the series, Merc had never actually seen an episode of Lyman’s Boys. Their new creation of Pucks is constantly under threat of being cancelled due to poor reviews from critics and the Lincolns risk being sent back home to London as failures.
I really enjoyed this show and appreciated how Matt often made fun of himself as well as his career such as referencing the much derided Friends spinoff Joey. The relationship between Matt, Sean and Beverly was one of the highlights of the series for me. The three appear to be in comradery spirits most of the time but relations could often be volatile or hostile, especially during the season one conclusion that serves as a main plot point in the show. Episodes also deals with the fictionalized Matt’s personal life as a divorcee with limited access to his kids and his strained relationship with his curmudgeonly father who was played by Alex Rocco. Another aspect of the show I liked was the friendship between Beverly and the down on her luck head of programming, Carol Rance. If you are looking for a fairly light comedy show to enjoy that is also rather short, then I would most certainly recommend Episodes.
Plot=10/10
Characters=9/10
Special Effects=7/10
Overall=8/10
Quote of the Day
I am Spartacus!
Spartacus
Spartacus
Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker
Greetings, welcome to the first blog update of 2020 and the new decade. Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker is a 2019 film which serves as the 9th and supposedly final instalment of the Skywalker saga that had spanned for over forty years since the original had been released to wide spread acclaim in 1977. The latest film was directed by JJ Abrams who launched the new trilogy with ‘The Force Awakens’ back in 2015 and was infamously rumoured to have all manner of behind the sets drama during its filming. It stars the new leads of Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran as they reprise their roles from the previous two movies. New actors also joined this instalment including Richard E Grant as Allegiant General Pryde, a character who I personally believe was a good addition to the saga and helped to make up for the Sequel Trilogies’ complete lack of intimidating villains.
Most of the original, surviving Star Wars cast such as Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford and Billy Dee Williams had been given reduced roles, practically glorified cameos for some of them, due to the fate of their characters from the previous movies. Only Anthony Daniels as C-3PO and Ian McDiarmid as Emperor Sheev Palpatine of the old cast could be considered to have reasonable screen time as well as an off-putting inclusion of the late Carrie Fisher. Fisher’s CGI appearance seemed very peculiar and it was very obvious that the charismatic Carrie was not there herself to give a solid performance as usual. John Williams, an essential part of capturing the Star Wars spirit, returned to conduct the music for this final film as well and remained an integral part of the movie series from beginning to end.
The plot begins by mentioning that Emperor Palpatine has returned from his seemingly permanent death at the hands of his former apprentice, Darth Vader, some thirty years prior. Kylo Ren, the newly appointed Supreme Leader of the First Order after his assassination of Snoke, hears of the Emperor’s return and aims to destroy him in his quest for Galactic domination. Ren finds a device called a Sith Wayfinder which leads him to Palpatine’s secret location on the unchartered planet of Exegol. The two antagonists confront each other and the Emperor, wizened and decaying, reveals he has a clandestine armada of Star Destroyers at his command. He promises to give his armed forces to Kylo once he has killed Rey on his behalf. Following on from Luke’s death on Ahch-To, Rey is being taught the ways of the Jedi from Leia Organa in preparation for her final fight against Kylo Ren.
Finn and Poe, two Resistance fighters operating against the First Order, learn from a spy within the Order that news of the Emperor’s return is true and that he is residing in the mysterious planet of Exegol. After a skirmish with First Order Tie-Fighters, Poe and Finn manage to get back to the safety of the resistance controlled territories where they inform Leia of the threat they face. Upon their return, Rey discovers from Luke’s notes of the existence of a Sith Wayfinder that would lead them all to the Emperor’s hideout. The three alongside Chewbacca, C-3PO and BB-8 take the Millennium Falcon to the world of Pasanna where they understand Luke’s search for the item came to a fruitless end. They continue his trail in the hopes of finding it. Shortly after landing, the protagonists learn that they have been tracked down by Kylo Ren via his force abilities and that he is leading First Order troopers to them.
I could analyse this film in great depth but will stick to some of my more prominent points for brevities’ sake. Rise of Skywalker had the unenviable task of following on from the divisive Last Jedi and, after the spectacular Box Office bomb that was Solo, it had to prove that the new iteration of Star Wars could still pull in audiences. It is certainly a better film than the previous entry, which I became more disillusioned with as times went on, but it falls far short of reaching the magic of the original three and it is clear that it is desperately trying to course correct on Episode 8. An obvious example of this was the grating character of Rose who, like Jar Jar Binks of the Prequel Trilogy before her, was side-lined to only having a few small scenes in the concluding film. The plot was incredibly quick paced, very convoluted and so condensed that it would have warranted another episodic follow up as opposed to hopping from location to location at breakneck speed like it ultimately did. This is a deeply flawed film and it was clear there was no overarching plot in mind from the start which ensured there was no carefully laid foreshadowing to hint at the Emperor’s return. This made Palpatine’s return feel like a Hail Mary attempt to have a proper antagonist for the conclusive instalment.
Moreover, I found the political situation to be confusing and all over the place since the Force Awakens ill explained backdrop. Rise of Skywalker did nothing to alter that and the Sequel Trilogy just returned to the old Empire vs Rebels fold rather than try anything new or daring. One of the greatest problems that befell this trilogy was the new characters who were, in my opinion, completely bland and one dimensional. The older, iconic characters were treated very poorly in Disney’s hands but to its credit this film does try to return these characters to their former glory. With the series now in a particularly bad spot, even direr than the era of the derided prequels, what legacy George Lucas will have and whether the nostalgia filled Star Wars can stay relevant in current popular culture remains to be seen. I like to stay hopeful that these new films could one day be considered non-canonical additions to the series and that a fresh start can be made once again.
Plot=6/10
Characters=6/10
Special Effects=8/10
Overall=6/10
Quote of the Day
Now, you listen here: 'e's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy!
Mandy
Monty Python’s Life of Brian
